


Think About the Feelings that we Hide

by helpmeimstuckon



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Badass Queer Squad, F/F, I need to not, M/M, ignoring it entierly, totally denying canon here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-06-07 05:40:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6787963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helpmeimstuckon/pseuds/helpmeimstuckon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>" “It'll be fun.” She'd insisted. “It's just you and me and Monty and Miller in my van for two weeks of debauchery.”<br/>Monroe had rolled her eyes. “I don't think that word means what you think it means.”<br/>“Zo,” Harper had said, rolling over on her side. Monroe wasn't sure if Harper was aware that when she made that face with the big eyes and the stuck out lip, Monroe melted a little inside, but she managed to use it any time she knew she would otherwise lose the argument. "</p>
            </blockquote>





	Think About the Feelings that we Hide

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Alicia_Antioch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alicia_Antioch/gifts).



Harper suggested it originally, so really, it was her fault.  
But initially it was supposed to be a post graduation road trip, they all agreed to that.   
(“It'll be fun.” She'd insisted. “It's just you and me and Monty and Miller in my van for two weeks of debauchery.”  
Monroe had rolled her eyes. “I don't think that word means what you think it means.”  
“Zo,” Harper had said, rolling over on her side. Monroe wasn't sure if Harper was aware that when she made that face with the big eyes and the stuck out lip, Monroe melted a little inside, but she managed to use it any time she knew she would otherwise lose the argument.   
Monroe looked at her best friend’s big eyes and stuck out lip, tamping down the rouge “what if” flame, and let out a sigh. “We need to plan this, like, yesterday.”  
The smile Harper flashed, just before she practically rolled them off Monroe's bed in a hug, more than made up for Monroe's anxiety.)  
Getting Miller on board was a task, but teamwork was the best strategy, they figured.  
(“Miller, look when you’ve been dumped by prom king three days after prom, you mostly just want to mope.” Monroe reasoned, “We get that. It sucks. I’m already going to egg his car.”  
Monroe received a hit for that, Harper glaring at her across the top of Miller’s head. Harper set her hands on his shoulders pulling him away from where he’d been slumped on the caf table. “Her point,” Harper said to a sour-faced Miller. “Is that we want you to have something to look forward to. Planning is better than dwelling.”   
Miller turned to Harper, his face scrunched. “You can’t expect me to snap out of it.”   
Harper nodded, glancing to Monroe. “You’re right. We can’t.”  
Monroe sighed dramatically. “But if you don’t go, Monty won’t. And if he doesn’t go he’s going to be stuck around his mother all summer.”  
There was a beat of silence, “Two weeks?”)  
After that, they just needed to ask Monty, which turned out to be slightly harder than imagined.  
(“I can’t just leave my mom.” Monty said, shoving the last of his stuff from his locker in to his bag.   
“It’s not leaving her. You’re not falling off the face of the earth.” Monroe argued, while grabbing the the picture from homecoming freshman year from where it was held with a magnet to the locker door. ‘Ah, the good ol’ days,” She thought, remembering how strange it had been to go with Miller while looking at Harper all night. ‘When we were all pretending we weren’t hella queer.’ “You’ll have your phone.”  
Monty snatched the photo back, tucking it in a book he then dropped in his bag. “She’s not gonna okay it.”  
“You’re an adult Monty. She can’t actually stop you. And if you say it’s me asking she’ll say yes. Your mom loves me. She would have adopted me if my aunt hadn’t claimed me.” Monroe shot back. She could see his face harden as quickly as his resolve. Monroe had to think fast if she wanted him to come. If he didn’t, Harper could cancel the whole thing. Monroe couldn’t have that. “Miller’s coming.” She baited, “But without you, I don’t know. He may just sit around and mope all summer.”  
Monty sighed, and shot a look at her. “I know what you’re doing.” He said, zipping his back pack. “We leave a week after Graduation? So ten days?”)

It was shockingly easy to get parents on board. Blanket rules of at least one call a day each, and updates on where they are, and there is agreement across the board they can trust their kids. Then Ten days later, the van is packed, Jasper had slid something into Monty’s bag, (“For later.” He’d winked,) and the four are off. Monroe dubbed herself navigator, mostly as an excuse to sit next to Harper. Miller was in charge of music, and Monty was taking his shift doing nothing but pointing out dogs he saw in other car’s windows.   
(The photo they take at graduation, the one pinned to the sun visor of Harper’s van, was a mirror to the one that Monty hid. Harper and Monroe were holding hands, Miller and Monty framing them, an arm over either, Harper and Monroe’s outside arms around them. It was the happiest Monroe could remember being.)  
The first stop is Richmond. It’s near 8pm when they get there, just in time for dinner. Monty and Miller argue for pizza, but they’re out voted and they get burgers.   
(“My vote counts for two since I’m driving.”  
“How is that fair!?’)  
The first day was easy. It’s the rush of freedom, the escape. It’s an adventure. They crash in the van at a rest stop, not wanting to risk the creepy motel. Monroe lounges in the passenger seat, Harper in the driver's. Monty and Miller in the second and third row respectively.  
(Sleep is a relative thing that night, they all manage to sleep for at least a few consecutive hours, but at any given moment at least two of them are whispering, making plans, plotting adventures.)  
The next day they drive the 30 minutes north to Kings Dominion, wanting to spend the day screaming their heads off on roller coasters. Harper held Monroe’s hand on everyone and she kept holding it near the end of the day, as they walk around playing stupid games, winning stupid prizes, smiling.   
(Monty and Miller insist on going on the water raft ride before they left, and didn’t get a drop of water on them, where Monroe and Harper were both drenched.   
“Come here, Monty. Give me a hug!”  
“No fucking way, Harper.”  
The ensuing chase gets posted to Monroe’s Snapchat story. She gets three texts telling her that they’ve all lost it from being in a car too long.)  
Then they go West, straight through to Louisville. Monty takes the first shift driving and they trade off every two hours or so, stopping to run around the car and keep from falling asleep. Louisville is the first place they have real beds in three days, they made the reservations two weeks earlier. The clerk at the desk thinks they’re fucking around, but when Miller hands him his ID, and the name matches the books, he straightens up. Monroe is always blown away by how nice hotel staff can be when the reservations were made with a Black AmEx card.   
(Monroe has a few moments of resentment, frustrated that Miller had grown up like this. That being the son of a Police captain on his father's side and the heir apparent to a conglomerate on his mother's side got him so far ahead of the rest of the world, but it subsided as soon as she hears him on the phone with his mom, asking how his dad was doing, only referring to him as “The Captain.”)  
Harper and Monroe shared a bed. It wasn’t any different than when they shared at home, except that it was. There was something inherently new about sharing a bed in a hotel when your parents weren’t just down the hall. Harper slumped into bed with her back to Monroe’s chest, but she held Monroe’s hand, which was new. They didn’t talk much that night. Monty and Miller were asleep in the next bed before Harper was even out of the shower, tired from the drive.   
They had a hard time crawling out of bed before check out. Harper pulled Monroe back to her twice before Monroe was the one pulling her out of their bed. They were in the van and grabbing a McDonalds breakfast by ten, before heading west. St. Louis was Monty’s pick. He loved the arch, in theory. The architecture was beautiful, and the view was supposed to be grand.   
(However, Monty seemed to forget his fear of heights, until they were at the top, that is. Miller had to keep an arm around Monty to get him to the elevators. Monroe knew it wasn’t a play, but if it had been, it would have been a great one.)  
When they left St Louis they drove 3 hours straight through before they stopped in a small town to get some semi-famous burgers from a local diner.  
(“Why is there peanut butter on it? This is wrong.”  
“Miller. Just shut up and eat it.”)  
After that it was 2 hours to Kansas City, where they, mercifully, crashed in another hotel.   
(Monroe was almost asleep when she felt Harper shift and roll over.  
“Hey.” came the soft words.  
“Hi.” Monroe was again struck by how much Harper’s eyes sparkled. “We’re supposed to sleep, you know.”  
“Yeah, I know. I just… I really like this. Traveling with you.”   
Despite all of Monroe’s effort to clip its wings, her heart soared. “I like it too.” She whispered back.   
Harper looked on with something Monroe had never seen behind her eyes before. Harper looked like she wanted to say something, and Monroe realised after a moment that she was holding her breath. Looking at Harper, she was breathless. Harper’s eyes flicked down, and the spell was broken. “Night.” She muttered, turning back over. They slept with more space between them that night.)  
They spent a day in Kansas City. Monroe didn’t know why, but she wanted to stay longer, listening to Miller talk about weird facts he found online, walking around the River Market, it was a nice city.   
(She kept feeling like someone was looking at her, but when she turned back to the group, all eyes were ahead. She didn’t catch Harper looking once.)  
The getting in the van for the drive through Colorado was nerve wracking. It was Miller’s turn to drive and Monty wanted to navigate, so that tucked Monroe next to Harper in the back seat. Harper chatted about nothing, trying to entertain them as they drove across the flat expanse. They ended up with the windows down, screaming and mooing every time they saw a cow.   
(Their throats were sore after an hour. It was almost like normal, but Monroe kept feeling Harper glance over, but she couldn't catch her.)  
Denver was incredible. It was fun and stupid and what Jasper had tucked away for them they had found to be very, very useful.   
(Monroe found herself in places she didn’t know, smoking things she didn’t know the names of, and holding Harper. Always holding Harper, a hand around her waist, their fingers intertwined, their legs tangled together when they slept. They slept facing each other in Colorado, both nights, whispering and smiling. Monroe always on the verge of kissing her.)  
Miller had to make an executive decision to leave Colorado. Had to throw their high asses into the car, be the responsible sober adult. Beyond that, he knew if they stayed much longer they weren’t likely to leave. So he drove south, straight through until Monty was sober enough to drive.   
(Monroe was asleep within ten minutes of getting in the car. She came to hours later with her head lying in Harper’s lap, Harper humming along to the song Miller was playing on the radio, absently playing with the ends of Monroe’s hair. She let her eyes drift closed a few moments longer before stirring, pretending to wake. The soft “Hey, sleepy head.” She was greeted with almost made the ache in her chest subside. Almost.)  
They stopped at the Four Corners monument, held hands, and each stood in a different state, while they made strangers take pictures for their parents. Monroe spent the rest of the day laughing and joking about being a state away from them.   
(Monty laughed, Harper and Miller rolled their eyes, but Harper was smiling, and that was enough.)   
They drove to Salt Lake for Monroe and Monty’s sake. Start at an amusement park, end at an amusement park, basically. It should have been fun, but they kept looking at each other like they were about to lose something. Monroe wouldn’t look Harper in the eye. Couldn’t. It hurt too much. Sitting at lunch the idea seemed to dawn on them all at once. It felt like they were kidding at first. At first they were. Then they weren't.  
(“Could we?” Harper said softly, the joking tone slipping from her voice.  
There was a moment of silence where they all waited for one of the others to say how ridiculous the idea was, how they couldn’t just leave, how they had responsibilities. They had summer jobs to get, college to prepare for, things to do. Someone needed to say that they needed to go home.  
But no one did.  
“I mean…” Miller said softly, eyes fixed on Monty. “We could.”  
“It’s just the summer.” Monty excused. “It’s not like we aren’t ever going back.”  
Harper looked to Monroe. “Zoe?” She asked softly. Monroe felt her stomach flip at Harper using her first name. “What do you say?”  
Monroe looked at her, really looked. When she looked at Harper, she found home. They could be anywhere in the world and as long as she was there, it didn’t matter.  
“Yes.” Monroe managed. “Let’s do it.”)  
Parents were called and informed, to different states of agreement. Harper’s mother was as accepting as ever. Monty’s mom not so much. Both of Miller’s parents took turns yelling about responsibility and what he was “doing to the family.” Monroe’s foster parents were upset, but couldn't do anything. “The joys of aging out of the system.” She droned.   
They had to run to the nearest ATM. Clean out as much of Miller’s account as they could before his parents froze it. It was insane. They felt like thieves in the night, except everything they were taking was what Miller had worked shift after shift sorting files at town hall for. When they piled back in the van they realised they had no idea where to go.   
Monroe voted for San Francisco, Miller for Seattle. They ended up settling it through the long standing tradition of rock paper scissors.   
Monroe exclaimed in victory as Miller picked Scissors.  
“How is that fair! You always win!” Miller exclaimed, slumping back in his chair.  
“You have a tell.” Monroe explained, starting the car. “I win because you always show your hand.”  
So they head west, trading off driving duties every few hours.   
(Monty showed Monroe a picture of how she and Harper had slept at a rest stop; Harper’s head on her shoulder, loosely holding hands. The blush that rose on her cheeks at Monty’s teasing was still there when Harper got back from grabbing their drinks.)  
They arrived in San Francisco two days before pride, smiling stupidly at all of the rainbow. They’d never seen that much openness. Their school's GSA was 90% over involved “Allies.” Seeing people of all kinds being happy and comfortable and home, it was almost enough to make Monroe cry.   
(“You seemed pretty choked up today.” Harper whispered in bed that night. They were facing each other, trying to sleep. The boys had crashed hours before, but Monroe couldn’t get there, and Harper was determined to keep her company.  
“It was nice.” She shrugged in reply. “Seeing people so out. So happy.”   
Harper’s eyes flicked down. “Do you wish you could be? Back home?”  
Monroe nodded softly, her fingers tracing patterns over Harper’s palm.   
Harper took a deep breath. “Why don’t you? Just come out, I mean. It worked for me.”  
“Your mom’s a hippie. It would have worked if you said you were leaving to join the circus.” Monroe replied, head tilting towards her.   
Harper looked back up, and Monroe felt her breath slip away. “What if you had a girlfriend you could introduce. Some kind of a validation for the world. Someone you care about. Would you come out then?”  
Monroe nodded, swallowing around a lump in her throat. “Yeah.”  
There was a moment, a long pause, when Monroe though Harper might kiss her, but the moment was broken when Monty shifted in his sleep. Harper pulled away slightly, and Monroe dropped her eyes, wishing she had taken the chance and kissed her.)  
They didn’t want to stay through pride. Well, Miller didn’t want to stay through pride. He had a rebuttal for every argument. “Crowds, drunkenness, loud noises. I’m fine with celebrating but this is not how I want to celebrate.” So they spent the day on the road.  
They got to LA and spent the night in a roadside hotel, the boys insisting on separate rooms.  
“What exactly happened while we were asleep this morning?” Monroe asked, remembering how she’d heard to door swing open. How she’d seen how on edge Miller had been, how Monty hadn’t been able to keep his eyes off Miller for more than a minute at a time. “You guys go out and admit how in love you are with each other?”   
Monty tensed. “I… Things happened.”  
“Things?” Monroe replied, looking over to where Harper and Miller were foraging a meal from the vending machines on the other side of the pool. “What sort of things?”  
The blush that crept up on Monty’s cheeks was all the answer she needed, but she elbowed him anyway.   
Monty sighed. “He kissed me and then immediately said not to say anything.”  
Monroe’s mouth popped into an “o” out of shock. “Wow.” She managed. “That’s… Something.”  
“Yeah. It’s something. So, I made him promise we could talk about it later.” Monty shrugged. “I guess tonight is later.”  
Monroe nodded in reply. “Well, good luck with that.” She sighed. “I wish we could get to that point.” She said looking at Harper. “I keep feeling like we’re about to say something, do something and then there’s a shift and she pulls away.”  
Monty nodded, looking on at the pair. “We’re just hopeless, aren’t we?”  
Monroe nodded in reply, but even as she agreed, she couldn’t keep her eyes off Harper. “Hopeless.” She parroted.  
They drove the next day, not caring enough to stay in LA for more than a few hours. The van felt different, a new energy coursing through them. Monty spent a solid twenty minutes glancing over at Miller as he drove, nervously tapping his fingers on his knee, before Miller reached over and grabbed his hand.   
(Monroe watched this from the back seat, a small smile on her face, but the joy felt for them was diminished by the ache to scoot closer to Harper, to be near Harper, with Harper.)  
They stopped in Phoenix, soaking up the hot sun. Harper crawled on top of the car to tan while the rest of them ran to grab some non-perishables to stock the car with.   
(Monroe managed to send Monty to the other side of the store for something, giving her the chance to put the fear of God into Miller. But it didn’t go exactly as planned.   
“You hurt him I get all of my hockey buddies to come over and rearrange your pretty boy bone structure.” She threatened nonchalantly, pulling Harper’s favorite Organic fruit leather from the shelf. “I’m fine with going to jail over him. He’s family.”  
Miller in turn nodded. “Understood. Same deal though. If you hurt her you’re ass is on the line.”  
Monroe swiveled towards him. “What?”  
“If you hurt Harper, you’re in deep trouble.” He said slowly, like one might explain to a child. “She’s never had a girlfriend she actually cared about. If you hurt her, it’ll ruin her. It’ll break her heart, irreversibly.”   
Monroe looked up at him in shock. “I’m… We aren’t dating.”  
Miller’s face scrunched up. “Sure. That’s totally true.”  
Before Monroe could argue, Monty walked back, a box of cheez it's held aloft in victory.)  
Monroe slept restlessly, unable to keep still, meaning she kept Harper up the whole night too. Harper turned and sighed, “What’s wrong?” She asked quietly.   
Monroe shook her head. “Nothing, why, what?”  
Harper looked over at the bed where the boys slept, Miller’s arm across Monty’s shoulders. She sighed at the sight, not wanting to wake them up. “Come on.” She said, sliding out of bed.   
Monroe sighed, knowing that once Harper made a decision, it wasn’t worth arguing. Monroe slid out of bed, following Harper into the cold night air.   
Harper wheeled on her, her arms crossed defensively. “Is something wrong?” She asked softly. “You’ve been weird all day, more than that. You’ve been weird since Phoenix. Did I do something?” Harper looked like a kicked puppy, her heart was already broken, and Miller’s threats were suddenly held a lot more weight than before.   
“No, it’s nothing. You didn’t do anything at all.” She said softly, leaning her shoulders against the wall. “It’s not you. I’m just… Stuck in my head today. I can’t seem to figure some stuff out.”   
Harper slumped, turning soft. “Then let’s talk about it. Come on, there’s never been a problem we couldn’t solve.” Harper stepped closer, a hand reaching out to brush non-existent dust off Monroe’s shoulder. “What’s going on, and how can I help?”  
Monroe looked up at her, her eyes shining. “I… I don’t think you can.” She closed her eyes, thinking of all the things she wanted to say, and all the ways they could ruin the best friendship she’d ever had. “I just… There’s a lot going on in my head right now and I’m worried if I say half of it you’ll be freaked out and you won’t be my friend anymore and I can’t lose you Harper. You’re the most important person in the world to me.” Monroe rambled, her eyes on her toes. “You’re my best friend in the world, and anything I have in my head of more than that is just silly. It’s silly. It’s stupid. I know it is which is why I don’t want to say anything that could ruin-”  
Harper’s hand found Monroe’s cheek, successfully stopping the stream of words. For a moment they looked at each other, neither breathing, before Harper found her words. “What was that thing before?” She asked softly, “That ‘more than that’ bit. That sounded nice.”  
Monroe pulled her jaw closed, swallowing around a lump in her throat. “I just… I think… I’m kind of in... like with you.” She said, letting out a shaky sigh. “I’m very in like with you, and I think I have been for a while.”  
Harper leaned closer, a hand drifting to Monroe’s side. “I’m in like with you too.” She said with a smile. Harper inched closer, tortuously slow, like she was waiting for something. Monroe, however, was done waiting. She pressed up on her toes, her hands going around Harper’s neck.   
(Kissing Harper was like seeing the night’s sky for the first time; like hearing the birds, and smelling the ocean; like coffee and a good night's sleep. It was all of that and more wrapped up in one person’s touch, one person.)  
They pulled away when the need for air out weighted the need to each other. “Whoa.” Harper said once she’d caught her breath.   
“I know.” Monroe replied, a smile splitting her face.   
(Nothing else in the world mattered. Monroe was content to let the world slip away in favor of Harper. , their feet in the pool, until the sun greeted them. Monroe searched for metaphors in every moment of it. Staring at the stars was like looking into Harper’s eyes. Feeling the refreshing water hit against her legs was like seeing her smile. Watching the sky lighten was like seeing Harper, seeing her whole world change because of the sun it revolved around.)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I'll probably drop some One shots too.


End file.
